I am going to be editing Leslie Jovel‘s week 8 artist conversation. The first mistake that I noticed was that a particular sentence seemed unfinished, like it was missing a word: “had formal training in art since she was 17 years old.” I assume that Leslie meant to put the word ‘she’ in front of ‘had’ at the beginning of the sentence. Also, the overall paragraph felt very choppy. The sentences didn’t flow as a natural paragraph, it sort of sounded like a list of different sentences put together into one paragraph. Lastly, the whole blog post is too short to be able to properly talk about an artist’s gallery. On the class syllabus it states that artist conversations must be about four paragraphs, including points such as describing what the artwork is, what the artwork is about, and what the artwork means. Leslie talked about these points very briefly but needs to go into these topics more in depth to give a better explanation. The good aspects of Leslie’s artist conversation was that she listed the artist’s website very clearly and posted a variety of pictures of the artist’s artwork to go along with her post. Also, she didn’t make any spelling or punctuational mistakes.
For my own blog post, I am also going to be editing my week 8 artist conversation. There are a lot of words that I use that start to sound pretty redundant. I should try and use a dictionary or thesaurus to find different versions of words with the same meaning to replace the words that I use repeatedly. I should also try and use a variety of different kinds of sentence structures to make my writing easier to read. A lot of my sentences are structured the same exact way and some sentences get too long and end up sounding like a run on sentence. I could’ve explained more into detail exactly what I was talking about in the last paragraph about the ‘black designs’ on the sculptures. I should have discussed what the designs were and what they looked like. The good points of my post was that I didn’t notice any grammatical or punctuational mistakes and I felt like overall, my post is easy to read through with understanding.